Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
