I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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