Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
