I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
