And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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