this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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