She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
