just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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