I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
