I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
