I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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