I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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