hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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