So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
