I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
