made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
