dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
