dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
