I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So apparently I’m into choking now
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
