My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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