so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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