I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
