I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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