I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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