If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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