i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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