An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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