I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
