from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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