You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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