im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
