I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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