I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
