The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
