so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize