when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
