I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
