you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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