At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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