I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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