I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize