All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
