the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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