When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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