the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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