Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
