he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
