i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
