Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
