so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
