Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
