i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
