what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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