they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
