Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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