its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
