ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
