I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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