I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
