If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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