remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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