doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
