so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
