dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
