one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
