I heard we made out
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
